Europos Parlamento nario Justo Paleckio biuras Vilniuje: | Juokauja švedaiVienas žmogus klausia savo draugo: - Kaip tu manai, ką valgo žmogėdros vegetarai? - Žinoma, švedus.
- Ar žinote, ką galima rasti švedų plaukimo baseino dugne? - Neįsivaizduoju. - Jūs pamatysite didžiulį užrašą „Rūkyti griežtai draudžiama”.
Demokratiški švedų inžinieriai sukūrė lėktuvą neturtingiems žmonėms, negalintiems sau leisti mokėti už normalias oro keliones. Lėktuvo techninė paslaptis buvo ta, kad jis neturėjo grindų - keleiviai tiesiog turėjo kabėti ant diržų, pritvirtintų prie lubų. Vieną dieną šis lėktuvas skrido virš Alpių ir staiga pradėjo kristi. Ekipažo vadovas praneša per garsiakalbius: - Vienas iš jūsų turi iššokti. Lėktuve yra 50 švedų ir 51 norvegas, todėl vienas norvegas turės šokti. Visi švedai pradėjo ploti!
- Ar žinote, kas parašyta ant ženklo prieš kelio žiedą Švedijoje? - Galima apvažiuoti ne daugiau kaip 7 kartus !
- Kodėl švedai visada sėdi prie lango ir šypsosi, kai griaudžia griaustinis ir žaibuoja? - Neįsivaizduoju. - Jie mano, kad juos fotografuoja!
- Ar žinote, kodėl švedai visada važiuoja kelio viduriu? - Bijo pakenkti laukinėms gėlėms šalikelėje!
Švedas buvojo „pube” Suomijoje, ir vienas nuolatinis klientas jam pasiūlė: - Duosiu tau 200 eurų, jeigu leisi man sudaužyti 10 alaus butelių į tavo galvą. Švedas pagalvojo ir, raginamas minios, sutiko. Suomis daužė vieną butelį po kito, tačiau po devinto sustojo. - Kodėl nedaužai dešimto butelio? - paklausė švedas. - Nesu visiškas idiotas, - atsakė suomis, - juk tada aš turėsiu tau atiduoti 200 eurų.
Klausimas: - Kuo skiriasi švedai nuo norvegų? Atsakymas: - Švedai turi gerus kaimynus!
Švedas ėjo gatve ir nešė antį. - Kur tu suradai šią beždžionę? - paklausė einantis pro šalį žmogus. - Tai ne beždžionė, tai antis”, - pareiškė švedas. - Patylėk švede, juk ne su tavim kalbu.
Suomis, švedas ir danas atsidūrė mažoje vandenyno saloje. Ten gyveno žmogėdrų gentis, ir jie sučiupo visus tris vyrus. Prieš suvalgydami kiekvienam jų leido pasakyti paskutinį norą. Pirmasis buvo danas. Jis pageidavo paskutinį kartą pamatyti savo žmoną. Žmogėdros surado jo žmoną. Po pasimatymo jie daną suvalgė, o iš jo odos padirbino kanoją. Suomis paprašė leisti surūkyti paskutinę cigaretę. Jis gavo cigaretę, o kai surūkė, buvo suvalgytas. Iš jo odos irgi padarė kanoją. Atėjo švedo eilė, jis paprašė šakutės, o kai gavo, pradėjo badyti save, šaukdamas: „JŪS NAPADARYSIT IŠ MANĘS KANOJOS!”
Vienoje švedų gamykloje buvo automatas, kuris parduodavo sumuštinius. Tačiau Svenas nesuprato, kam buvo skirta ši mašina. Jis priėjo prie automato, įmetė 1 eurą ir gavo vieną sumuštinį. Jis taip susijaudino, kad sumokėjo dar 1 eurą ir gavo dar viena sumuštinį. Galiausiai jis turėjo milžinišką krūvą sumuštinių. Kitas darbuotojas pasidomėjo, ką Svenas daro: - Svenai, ar nemanai, kad jau laikas sustoti? - Po velnių, nekalbėk nesąmonių ?! Greitai aš laimėsiu patį didžiausią!
Klausimas: Kaip paskandinti švedų karinį laivą? Atsakymas: Nuleisti į vandenį.
Klausimas: Kodėl naujos švedų karinio laivyno valtys turi stiklinį dugną? Atsakymas: Tam kad būtų matomas senas švedų karinis laivynas.
Klausimas: Koks skirtumas tarp švedo ir moskito? Atsakymas: Moskitai erzina tik vasarą.
Du žmonės sėdėjo ant suoliuko parke. Vienas buvo girtas, kitas irgi buvo švedas! 2015 09 07 xokshvyxb | New animal research suggests why Ebola becomes more deadly as it spreads.New animal research suggests why Ebola becomes more deadly as it spreads.Updated: Monday, January 12 2015 10:26 PM EST2015-01-13 03:26:01 GMTAn Ebola outbreak either bordering or a nation away from the two countries that produce as much as 75 percent of the world's cacao beans may change the makeup of a Cadbury egg in the United Kingdom.An Ebola outbreak either bordering or a nation away from the two countries that produce as much as 75 percent of the world's cacao beans may change the makeup of a Cadbury egg in the United Kingdom.Updated: Monday, December 29 2014 2:36 PM EST2014-12-29 19:36:29 GMTScottish authorities say a health care worker who has just returned from Sierra Leone has been diagnosed with Ebola and is being treated in a Glasgow hospital. The Scottish government says the patient flew to Glasgow via Casablanca and London's Heathrow Airport, arriving late Sunday. The health care worker was admitted to a hospital on Monday morning.Scottish authorities say a health care worker who has just returned from Sierra Leone has been diagnosed with Ebola and is being treated in a Glasgow hospital. The Scottish government says the patient flew to Glasgow via Casablanca and London's Heathrow Airport, arriving late Sunday. The health care worker was admitted to a hospital on Monday morning.Updated: Tuesday, December 23 2014 10:03 PM EST2014-12-24 03:03:43 GMTA person who recently returned from West Africa is in isolation at Bellevue Hospital Center but a test for Ebola infection came back negative, according to the city's Health and Hospitals Corporation.A person who recently returned from West Africa is in isolation at Bellevue Hospital Center but a test for Ebola infection came back negative, according to the city's Health and Hospitals Corporation.Ebola virusRobert Wood Johnson University Hospital in New Brunswick has been designated as one of 35 Ebola treatment centers across the country.Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital in New Brunswick has been designated as one of 35 Ebola treatment centers across the country.Updated: Tuesday, December 2 2014 3:58 PM EST2014-12-02 20:58:42 GMTBellevue Hospital Center (file photo)The active monitoring period has ended for the last of the 114 health workers who cared for New York City's Ebola patient. Dr. Craig Spencer got out of Bellevue Hospital Center on Nov. 11 after he was declared Ebola-free. He was admitted on Oct. 23.The active monitoring period has ended for the last of the 114 health workers who cared for New York City's Ebola patient. Dr. Craig Spencer got out of Bellevue Hospital Center on Nov. 11 after he was declared Ebola-free. He was admitted on Oct. 23.Updated: Thursday, November 13 2014 7:03 AM EST2014-11-13 12:03:38 GMTA top U.S. health official says long-anticipated clinical trials of a possible Ebola vaccine will start soon in West Africa. This word comes as the global response to the outbreak takes on added urgency with new cases in Mali and reports that the death toll has surpassed 5,000.A top U.S. health official says long-anticipated clinical trials of a possible Ebola vaccine will start soon in West Africa. This word comes as the global response to the outbreak takes on added urgency with new cases in Mali and reports that the death toll has surpassed 5,000.Updated: Wednesday, November 12 2014 10:21 PM EST2014-11-13 03:21:18 GMTThe Pentagon's Defense Advanced Research Project Agency, the futuristic tech division known as DARPA, is now doing research in the fight against Ebola. It is the same wing of the Department of Defense that helped create things like the Internet and GPS and invests in revolutionary technology for the military.Agency director Dr. Arati Prabhakar says her agency is looking for new proposals on ways to outpace infectious diseases like Ebola."What we've been working on is radical new approaches," ...The Pentagon's Defense Advanced Research Project Agency, the futuristic tech division known as DARPA, is now doing research in the fight against Ebola. It is the same wing of the Department of Defense that helped create things like the Internet and GPS and invests in revolutionary technology for the military.Agency director Dr. Arati Prabhakar says her agency is looking for new proposals on ways to outpace infectious diseases like Ebola."What we've been working on is radical new approaches," ...Patient Ebola freeUpdated: Tuesday, November 11 2014 12:28 PM EST2014-11-11 17:28:02 GMTAn emergency room doctor in New York City who had Ebola was released from the hospital on Tuesday.Dr. Craig Spencer, 33, joined Mayor Bill de Blasio and several other health officials outside Bellevue Hospital in Manhattan to address the media. "My infection represents but a fraction of the 13,000 cases reported in West Africa. Please join me in turning our attention back to West Africa," said Spencer.An emergency room doctor in New York City who had Ebola was released from the hospital on Tuesday.Dr. Craig Spencer, 33, joined Mayor Bill de Blasio and several other health officials outside Bellevue Hospital in Manhattan to address the media. "My infection represents but a fraction of the 13,000 cases reported in West Africa. Please join me in turning our attention back to West Africa," said Spencer.Updated: Thursday, November 6 2014 11:31 AM EST2014-11-06 16:31:31 GMTFacebook is stepping up its efforts to fight Ebola by adding a button designed to make it easier for its users to donate to charities battling the disease. 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